When we hold on to those old stories we tell ourselves about being less than, we relinquish our physiological energy into something that we created; which detracts us from accomplishing our goals.
It's always easier to practice guilt and complicit thoughts, than to work through the difficulties of accomplishing your dreams.
I didn't understand this concept until my late 40's, when I had to accept responsibility for giving up on my dreams. I depended on alcohol, because it was way to sulk in my unhappiness without embracing the harsh reality of my childhood.
May 1999 is when I ask God to remove alcohol from my life because I saw that it influenced my sporadic behavior.
Why I depended on Alcohol?
I wanted to escape my reality, the truth is I gave up on living, but I figured that was the coward way to kill myself or even change my life so I stayed stuck in a bottle. I thought it gave me courage to say things.
I was lost in the moment of self-pity and why I didn't finish anything that I dream of doing and always feeling let down by my parents who was alcoholics and addicts.Drinking made me comfortable to be free but really live in self hate. I really blamed everyone in my life for why I didn't do my best and why I tried to drink myself to death.
As a result, I began to trust in God as well as myself, and since then I've been 18 years clean.
Sobriety has been my biggest accomplishment, and after that, everything else seemed easier to manage whether it was my career or relationships with family or friends.
Committing to the struggle
I will never forget, I went to one of the neighborhood recreation center's for a tennis match with flip flops on, because my family couldn't afford tennis shoes. However, I still "whooped the pants off" my opponent, despite how the crowds laughter embarrassed me.
After that moment, I didn't followed through with being a tennis player, because I didn't have the confidence to believe I was worthy.I was too concerned about failing as a professional athlete, that I didn't put any effort into the sport. I also felt I never had that parent to give me the support or push to keep me motivated or stay consistent.
The dream of being a tennis player was the beginning of my journey of inconsistency. Much further in my life, was when I began to make a change, because I was tired of the same negative outcomes.
It's not that my dreams wasn't attainable; I was afraid of the backlash of vulnerability and being dedicated to something that other's did'n't support.
Steps to Committing to your dream
Committing to your dreams, requires the self confidence and courage to follow-through with your goals. Most parents tell their children to "dream big," however they disregard the challenging part, which is committing to the struggle.
I received my drivers license at age 30 and started traveling outside the state's and going on cruises. I wanted my CDL 15 years ago and also applied and when I was rejected the first time I gave up.Failed jobs and relationships has caused me to change and learn from my experiences instead of repeating the same patterns. Therefore, years later I decided to try again, this time I studied, in order to become a bus operator and obtained my CDL.
What have I learned?
1.Faith without works is dead
2.Ask for help!
3.If it scares you, then go for it!