The Art of Comparison: The rush to the alter

November 9, 2017


With this generations need for validation, an engagement or wedding is quickly seen as an immediate need, rather than self progression (going to school, owning a business and accomplish all other personal goals).


I wanted a wedding, the dress, the orchestra playing, the huge cake but not once did I think about the ideology of marriage.


The wedding is an occasion where you began your commitment with the one you love. A marriage is the work that goes into loving the person you're committed to. It sounds easy, it looks beautiful, but it's not that simple.


Social media can play a large role on our perception of commitment.It often has us simultaneously stating the term "goals" for every couple that seemed to overcome infidelity, abuse, jail time etc...etc...


I've seen more support for the birth of someone's third child or abrupt second marriage, but less for a college graduate or business owner. 


Brad and Angelina, Tiny and Ti, Gucci mane and Keyshia Ka'oir, are not marriage goals and that's not a bad thing. They're human, their entertainers and when we have these high expectations for their union, which usually ends  in superficial disappointment.


Uncompassionate comments are then posted on social media bashing their unions as if we know every detail of their lives.


C is for comparison


Comparison leads to a road of unhappiness and bitterness.


I'm often asked, "when are you getting married?" as if marriage is some obstacle course that everyone must experience in order to feel complete or happy. 


I'm pretty sure if marriage was an obstacle course I would fail at that too, due to my anxiety about being led by someone other than myself.


I believe marriage is a beautiful commitment that I can admit I'm not ready for. 


Therefore, I've learned to never look at what some else does for their significant other and compare it to your current situation. Sometimes we often compare our relationships because were blinded by artificial things.


"You can't paint a picture that is not there". Someone can state how much they love their spouse a thousand times,or go viral because they take beautiful pictures. But it doesn't make me believe it and honestly it shouldn't matter whether I do. 


 However, at some point in my relationship I became so depended on other people's relationship advice, that I soon realized I was living a unauthentic life and putting someone else's expectations on my relationship. 


Let your expectations be your expectations without the influence of others.No one sees the struggles in your relationship, we just see the pretty picture.






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