The Art of Staying in Bad Relationships

June 11, 2017

 

    Bad relationships are toxic to one's spiritual and physical growth. Some of us are immune to some of the negative behaviors we interact with because we are unable to accept what we already know. When people are discussing their relationship problems with me, the first question I ask is "What signs did you see that led you to this moment?" No-one jumps up one day and decides to change who they are. The change happens gradually. However, a lot us are in denial of how toxic the other person or ourselves could be.

   We are willing to hold on to a person, just to say we have someone, and not let go and heal. ( This could be in reference to relationships, friendships, partnerships any type of SHIP that causes emotional and physical damage.) We also hold on to so many excuses as to why were still in a relationship or friendship as if it's life threatening. My theory suggests that we want to make others believe the illusion were living and feel sorry for us, and not actually receive insight on what we need to change. 

   I would hear my friends discuss their ideology of love, but it was never in a positive way. I've seen guys cheat on women openly, and their was no accountability for his actions. Again, they were attacking the person and not the situation. Primarily, the focus was more on the other woman. Therefore, I was the head strong friend who always pushed my friends to stand up for themselves. I often preached "you can do better", "the signs are there". In hindsight I couldn't do that for myself. I was so caught up in having someone support my emotional and physically needs that I forgot to love and honor God and myself. I would ponder at what it would feel like to be in a relationship and when it came, I was not ready for the reality I faced.

     My freshmen year of college, I decided I wanted a relationship for the wrong reasons. I ended up settling for someone who had another agenda.He literally made me feel great before we were official, but afterwards did everything possible to break my spirit. He was never the problem , it was me because I allowed him to use and humiliate me; which ultimately led him leaving me for a girl he thought was better. I often thought maybe she was the better choice. I was in college for theatre, she was studying nursing, I grew up in the city, she grew up in a rural area. Our backgrounds were different, but I think his decision was based on my decision to no longer take his mistreatment, which led to our demise. He realized, he was no longer with that insecure Chelsea so  he had to go elsewhere to relinquish his insecurities on her. 

     Fear led me in that relationship and fear led me out. So I thanked him! I thanked him for allowing me to see how messed up I was, I thanked him for making me feel like I was less than, I thanked him for the lies he spewed about me because it made me believe in myself more than I ever had. It took me being by myself to enjoy myself. I began to have an understanding for what I wanted as well as what I needed in relationship. Therefore the ART of Staying in a Bad Relationship is realizing you're the problem! There has is lack of self-worth, and self-love to allow you to accept a bad relationship.

 

 

 

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